I remember going to a store with my mother and she wanted me to pick out wallpaper. It would be too expensive to decorate the whole room, so it was just a trim at the ceiling i was choosing, and the typical choices were cars, planes, sports items, etc. but i chose rainbows. 

It was not received well, no boy decorates their room in rainbows, how will the be explained to the boy, how will this be explained to visitors, friends, a compromise must be made. To her credit, i had a rainbow border, it was the most masculine rainbow known to man, a grey background, maroon, forest green, rust orange and navy blue with navy blue border on top and bottom. 

The lesson was learned, some colours are for boys and some colours are for girls. I don’t remember the words shared, i only remember the decision made, but it stuck with me forever. I never liked that wallpaper, going to sleep every night looking at it was a reminder pretty isn’t proper for a perfect boy like me. Isn’t what i wanted to be? 

It wasn’t an epiphany that drove me to become submissive, i didn’t start wearing panties because i was scarred by the ugly rainbows, i learned how to play it safe, i learned that others are watching and it matters. I learned that noise equals defiance, and that being different means being noticed, and i learned that i didn’t want to be defiant or known for being different.

I learned to be loud when i wanted to be heard. I learned to be different when I wanted to be seen. 

I learned that I wanted to be seen and to be heard. 

Without being loud. 

Without being defiant. 

I learned the value of being different. 

I learned that different can be special.

I’m not submissive because i want to be a sissy whore slut sex doll, i am submissive because i want to be special, to be a bright spark in your life, to amplify your voice when you want to be heard, to be different in a way that you appreciate. 

I think i my life, this is the only time i have ever worn royal blue. It is such a pretty color. I want to explore all the colors in the rainbow now. 

That’s what makes these panties special 😉